I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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