Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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