Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
