How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
