Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
