don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
