Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
