The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
