Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
