i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
