I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize