literally had 100 drinks last night.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
