i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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