Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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