I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
