I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
