Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My first STD was from a foam party
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
