You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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