How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize