I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
