it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
