Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
