this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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