I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
