Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
