Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
