.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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