Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize