well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
