I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
