so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
