My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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