All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
