Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
