OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
