I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
