so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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