I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
