hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your dad touched me again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
