dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
