I hope mine doesn't look like that
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
