i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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