You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
