our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
