I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
