PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
