so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
