chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
