Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
