Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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