guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
