So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
