Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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