You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
