just come out here and I will go home with you...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
