wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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