Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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