Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
