I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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