your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
