I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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