Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
