your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
