Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
