Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
