new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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