Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
