he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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