Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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