Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hippo gnu deer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
