I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize