Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
