The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
