My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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